please complete the quiz in the quiz tab for chapter 2

Chapter 3 - What’s Your “Not Enoughness” Story?

Using the questions below for some guidance, write your “not enoughness” story.

Remember, it is just a story you’ve been telling yourself, not the ultimate truth about who you are.

When you become aware of it, it can stop controlling your life.

Using a note book, write down your story.

1. Do you remember the last time you felt not enough (less than someone or helpless in front of the task ahead)? What was it?

 2. Describe the way you felt.

 3. What was your inner dialogue? What were you saying to yourself?

Here you’ll find your story, it usually goes along the lines of “I can’t do it, because I am not smart enough. I need to read another book, go on another course…”

Now, I want you to find two positive things about that scenario.

Did you ask for help, voice your feelings, did you acknowledge that these feelings are not the trust about you, were you kind to yourself? Did you try anyway? 

Everyone gets overwhelmed, everyone has moments of self doubt, but we need to start actively looking for and noticing the positive things we do! We need to start being proud of ourselves, be our own cheerleaders!!

How Did You Get Here?

Please carefully answer the questions below. 

1. What early experiences did you have that might have contributed to the way you view and feel about yourself. Take some time to write down a brief description of those experiences.

2. Have you had any recent stressful life experiences that have negatively affected how you view yourself?

3. Looking back at these experiences, how would you as your adult self, comfort and reassure younger you? What might have helped those experiences feel less severe or lasting. Can you do any of these for yourself today? Help heal the little you still inside.

4. Looking back a shorter distance, you 10-15 years ago. What did that you dream of? Try remembering, where did you live, what were your life plans? Don’t solely focus on material things. Have you achieved any of those dreams? Are any of them still on your life plans? Or have you grown, changed?

This is a powerful self-compassion exercise.

Please answer the following questions:

1. Think about a time when a close friend felt bad about themselves or was struggling in some way. How did you respond to them? What did you say? What was your tone of voice?

2. Remember a time when you have made a big mistake. How did you respond to yourself? What was your internal dialogue? What did you say to yourself and in what tone?

3. Is there a difference between how you responded to yourself and to your friend? What would have happened if you responded to your friend in the same way as you responded to yourself?

4. How do you think things might change if you started responding to yourself in the same way as you respond to your friend?

The Avatar of Future You 

Close your eyes and visualize, meditate on it, dance on it or do whatever you need in order to have a mind-blowingly inspiring vision of the future you. You with much higher self-esteem, you who has things to be proud of, you who knows own worth and draws boundaries accordingly in relationships with others.

Create Your Avatar 

Use “juicy” language when answering these questions (e.g., She looks like a rockstar). You want to get excited about your future, my friend.

1. What does this person look like? What are they wearing? How do they stand and walk? What kind of energy they emanate? 
   
2. If I were this person, what would be possible for me? Could I achieve my goals and go after my desires? How would my life change?

2. What can I do today to get closer to embodying this person? (It might be that your first step is to start wearing that leather jacket you love but felt that you can’t pull it off before. Doesn’t matter how small, just take the first step.)

You can come back to these five magical questions any time you find yourself feeling envious, less than, etc.

- What makes me feel envious or less than someone else? (e.g., a picture on social media of someone I know showing off their perfectly toned body)

- What does this feeling tell me? (e.g., that I am not happy with my body)

- Would I be willing to put in the effort this person in the picture did to have perfectly toned body? (e.g., absolutely! …or no!)

- If the answer is “absolutely!”, what could I do to achieve similar results? (e.g., sign up to the gym, stop eating after 6pm, contact this person in the picture to ask how they did it, etc.)

- If the answer is “no!” (you are not willing to put in the effort), you probably don’t really want that thing.

Think about what it is that you truly want. (e.g., the attention this person in the picture gets) 

3-2-1!

Today’s task will provide you with framework for feedback seeking. You can use the 3-2-1 formula in any area of your life, whether with your partner, boss, or a friend.

Your task is to speak to 3 people that are close to you and ask for the following (ask them to be specific and give you examples of the behavior, etc.):

3 – three things / qualities that you are great at (e.g., very attentive – you notice each time when I am upset and do something to cheer me up, like yesterday with flowers)

2 – two things / qualities that you need to improve / work on (e.g., not very good with boundaries – you told your mother she can come visit us again, although, we are so busy that weekend)

1 – one thing / quality that you need to manage / keep an eye one (e.g., ambitiousness – it’s great that you took on two big projects, but you might have a burnout if you aren’t careful)

Complete this task in your notes (physical or digital).

You may want to come back to it later again and again for a pat on the back. It feels great to see our progress!

- Think 2-5 years back. Where were you then emotionally? In your relationships? In your career?

- How have things changed since?

- In what ways are you more mature, aware or capable today than you were back then?

- What new skills have you learned?

- Perhaps you experienced some hardships or struggles. How did they contribute to an amazing human that you are today? 

- If you really wanted to feel proud of yourself, what exactly could you be proud of?

Rules of the “game”:

1. It must be done in writing.

2. You have to write a minimum of half a page (half A4 – no cheating!) per day.

3. It is best to do it in the morning. This way it will set tone for the rest of your day.

4. Pay special attention to things you feel resentful about – try to see something about them to appreciate e.g., if you really don’t like your tiny flat, remember all the beautiful, cosy, romantic moments you had in it; if your relationship is far from great, think about the qualities in your partner that you admire. Appreciation is an antidote to all the negative feelings. 

5. Tiniest things count – a smile from a stranger, orchid that blossomed in the living room, child’s hug, etc.

6. Charge your words with emotion. Really feel the gratitude. Don’t just rush to complete the page – do it properly. 

7. If you are struggling just ask yourself “if I really wanted to be grateful, what would be those things I could potentially be grateful for?”. Sometimes it may take some effort to break the negative thinking patterns.